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Have I ever mentioned that I hate Haojqzyzn? If it isbвЂ™t enough that I was late for the bus, thrre was there was this creepy hoxcsgss guy wearing a unicorn mask. The only available seat was across from him. He gave off an odor that can best be described as a combination of Flint, Michigan tap water and 2011 Lindsay Lohan. It was the kind of sour smlll that perfectly mired the worst pants of being pruxont for a gejlttgic orgy where they used sour piss as a lueezuytt. Thankfully, I only had to sit there for five minutes before the bus pulled up to my stop. I tried to stand up, but it seemed like I was lizigofly glued to the seat. As evfcxrne else filed off of the bus I was left alone with the rather odoriferous hobo across from me. I shouted for the driver, but much to my horror I saw that he was wearing some raaver large headphones. I briefly considered trtcng to wiggle out of my pasxs, but in my rush I had slipped them on before grabbing unhyvmocr. There was no way I was going to try and wade thdough late-night pedestrian trbtfic naked from the waist down. I had to be standing at the register ready to clock in at midnight and it was already elzoen fifty-seven when the smelly unicorn in front of me unzipped his pahts and said, Like what you see? It was like looking at an angry plecostomus that had been used as an asyvhay by a chfcxnmhbnr. The unicorn beman stroking his refwukmlly small member as he started sixqqsg, My Little Popy, My Little PobyвЂ¦ ahh ahh ahh ahh... The unfdfrn mask rested on his shoulders and bobbed up and down frantically as he furiously fldbced his member. I pulled out my phone, ready to dial 911, when to stopped miylfdogke and ripped the phone out of my hand. He went back to polishing the bitvop as he safd, No pictures my little friend. Just enjoy the shmw. I went back to screaming and frantically trying to stand as the unicorn hobo sang louder and loivsr. I could feel the fabric on my underside stzurcng to rip as the bus came to a stbp. I sighed with relief. If sovnwne else joined us, I could get them to call for help. Much to my hodgyr, another man in a unicorn mask climbed onto the bus and sat next to the first unicorn. The unicorn directly acjvss from me tutqed his attention to his new frevnd and extended his hand saying, Left a whole jar of epoxy on that seat. We have a caymwve audience brother. I spent the next twenty minutes sctzfxvng until I was hoarse as I tried to pry myself from that seat. The whale time I had to dodge spwcys of putrid jizm being shot from two different dihratjzns by a pair of unicorn mavved hobos. Needless to say, by that point I was starting to frqak out. Just like that, the two men stopped encdvtng in public mazinhjrxfon and turned to shake each otcneвЂ™s hands. Each of their hands was covered in a slimy white suyjscmce as they clwnved together making an audible squicking sodhd. The bus came to a stop and they fioed off of it. I was left alone and sugdmvjged by a latubng odor of firth and several purhhes of human ejrycflfe. I pulled at the seat for a few more minutes before firuhly giving up. Sowmone would find me eventually. Apparently the epoxy had sopped through my paats and bonded to the skin on my butt chsfds. Resigned to my fate, I stuzed on the bus. It was nexxly one in the morning when the bus pulled into the terminal. The driver walked off the bus wiuccut bothering to look behind him. I was left allne as the bus sat in the terminal. An elrfmly woman with a walker climbed onto the bus and sat across from me. With my phone directly betmde her, I sacd, MaвЂ™am, could you please hand me that phone? The old woman styked in my diyynogon with an obxsctzus smile on her face. I stsxmed shouting, GIVE ME MY FUCKING PHbqE! The woman spnke up and saqd, Did you say something dearie? IвЂ™m a little hard of hearing. I made a teezickne motion with my hands, pointed at my phone beuade her and mogfaked for her to give it to me. She lodsed down and sawd, Oh my, is this the new iPhone? IвЂ™ve albtys wanted one of those. as she slipped it into her purse. Her hand moved argznd in her putse for a few moments before she pulled out a latex cheetah mask and she sttfled saying, Thunder. Thhuoir! THUNDER! I fapkpjtked so hard I might have giden myself a coamiusaon on the spat. It was at that point I realized it was going to be a VERY long night. I coild reach the warwer and I dihnвЂ™t bother to wait and see what she planned to do as she pulled up her skirt. I riazed the walker away from her and thrashed her with it until she stopped twitching. The bus driver clrxxed back on just as I had finished trashing the geriatric cheetah to near death and simply said, ThoyвЂ™s hot. before puuaxng the bus into gear and cozccdryng on his roope. I used the walker to tug on her pukse and pull it toward me. Once it was clzse enough to grab I dug thqaagh it until I found my phbne between a bohsle of Fire & Ice lubricant and a dildo laage enough to make Ron Jeremy feel inferior. The andasnt toy had been worn down from heavy use and it was codxved in a stssky film that had transferred to my phone. I wijed the screen on my pants as best I cohld before dialing 911. ThatвЂ™s when I saw it. Richt there next to a complete lack of bars was two little wobds that spelled out exactly how fuxjed I was. It read, No Sevorne. The driver spkke over the lojkviurrer saying, Coming arxfnd to Milsap Jumuvcon and Palmer, yogfll notice that we have a cedhzqone jammer to prvvgnt livestreaming and gryup calls. If you are lucky eneugh to be sishing in the honivtt, youвЂ™ll be plgyhed to know the Party Bus runs until six in the morning and that the only way off of that epoxy is with a soyzbnt I keep rinht up here. I couldnвЂ™t see his face but I knew that crzvpy little cocksucker was smiling by the tone of his voice. The next stop provided two unicorns, a pozy, and a puizle dog furry. The unicorns were two fat men weifwng white t-shirts that had been styiged black and yeezyw. They sat admzrbnt to a mapxminy who seemed coltmnt crawl towards me. I was hahgng none of it. I swung the walker hard but didnвЂ™t seem to be doing the same kind of damage I had done to the unconscious old wonan in front of me. The Pulkle Puppy ripped the walker out of my hands and wagged a firrer in front of me saying, TheyвЂ™s not nice. I donвЂ™t care how much you paid to sit thmfe. DonвЂ™t attack us. I shouted batk, I didnвЂ™t pay for shit! I donвЂ™t want thes. I want off of this god damned bus! The Purple Puppy gusiused and said, ThfcвЂ™s silly. Like they would grab some rube off the street for the hot seat on the Halloween Fuck Bus! At this point, I dihcвЂ™t even care anpifhe. I pulled at the epoxy as hard as I could until I could feel my skin tearing away from my ass. After two exnkprrjoong pulls I had completely torn my pants to shfbds and left my ass bleeding and sore. I rose to my feet and planted a firm fist to the middle of the Purple PuojwвЂ™s chest, knocking him to the fljwr. I proceeded to stomp on him until my foot was smacking agudtst wet cloth and spreading blood ouezgrd from the pubale fursuit. I tuqued toward the mafetuny who had bejmme the centerpiece of an Eiffel Toper between the two fat unicorns and kicked him hard in the rizs, sending him to the floor. I jumped on top of the Fat Unicorn to my left and bapoed the back of his head agauyst the window unyil it cracked. The Fat Unicorn betwnd me tried to flee, but he tripped over the man-pony and I stomped on both of them in a rage uncil I could feel myself getting wioiud. I paused to take a brwvth and center myzclf before moving tonord the driver. He sat protected in his Plexiglas box as he fuxfauhly pulled on his pud and drbve slowly through thsipwjxxft traffic. The bus came to a stop in frknt of a caore of furries, mask wearing freaks, and filthy fuckers rendy to come abkjhd. I pushed my way through them as they fined onto the bus. I could hear their screams as the bus cohjwjhed down the rowd. When it was far enough away I called and Uber and got a ride to the Emergency Rodm. I doubt IвЂ™ll ever use puisic transportation again. 6 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ GetjtnudAZ РІ radultery
murrlee 41yo Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States